I am a mother of two elementary school aged kids. I had my children later in life due to fertility issues. I am also responsible for taking care of my mother, who has rheumatoid arthritis. I am exhausted. I feel as though all I do is take care of someone. My husband is supportive but works long hours, arriving home right before our kids bed time. I feel guilty but I can’t stand my life. I need something to change. Any suggestions? I am an exhausted caregiver.
Quick: Poor baby, it sounds completely exhausting. The squeeze of children and parents simultaneously is overwhelming. So glad you have a supportive husband, so sorry he is missing in action during the hours where you need support. I want to beg you to absolve yourself of any guilt. You are having a healthy natural reaction to an unnatural amount of responsibility in your life. I don’t know the economics of your situation. Can you bring in some help in the evening? Would a nanny for a few hours a day to allow you a break? Can you share the care of your mother more with a sibling? Could you bring in paid help with your mother? Are there caregiver support groups in your area? Are there friends who would help share the load? Is there a mommies group that would share the care in a co-op kind of way? I am so sorry for your profound stress.
Quack: Ugh, of course you are exhausted. Of course you hate your life. Something can change but it’s going to have to come from you. I have ideas, but I don’t know the particulars of your life, so they’re just ideas/suggestions. But, you are a caregiver and I’m gonna guess you also have control issues (caregivers frequently have control issues). Assess what your mother is capable of doing and HAVE her DO more. Your supportive husband can do more, too. (lunches for the kids, laundry, trash, dishes, pick up groceries on the way home. Welcome to second shift). He comes home and you’re off duty: take a bath, read a book, watch a movie, a massage from your husband, intimate acts. Divvy up the chores, ask for what you need, don’t be the overworked martyr and work to let some more things go
drs quick and quack 