Burned Out Mama

I am a mother of two elementary school aged kids. I had my children later in life due to fertility issues. I am also responsible for taking care of my mother, who has rheumatoid arthritis. I am exhausted. I feel as though all I do is take care of someone. My husband is supportive but works long hours, arriving home right before our kids bed time. I feel guilty but I can’t stand my life. I need something to change. Any suggestions? I am an exhausted caregiver.

Quick: Poor baby, it sounds completely exhausting. The squeeze of children and parents simultaneously is overwhelming. So glad you have a supportive husband, so sorry he is missing in action during the hours where you need support. I want to beg you to absolve yourself of any guilt. You are having a healthy natural reaction to an unnatural amount of responsibility in your life. I don’t know the economics of your situation. Can you bring in some help in the evening?  Would a nanny for a few hours a day to allow you a break? Can you share the care of your mother more with a sibling? Could you bring in paid help with your mother? Are there caregiver support groups in your area? Are there friends who would help share the load? Is there a mommies group that would share the care in a co-op kind of way? I am so sorry for your profound stress.

 

Quack: Ugh, of course you are exhausted. Of course you hate your life. Something can change but it’s going to have to come from you. I have ideas, but I don’t know the particulars of your life, so they’re just ideas/suggestions. But, you are a caregiver and I’m gonna guess you also have control issues (caregivers frequently have control issues). Assess what your mother is capable of doing and HAVE her DO more. Your supportive husband can do more, too. (lunches for the kids, laundry, trash, dishes, pick up groceries on the way home. Welcome to second shift). He comes home and you’re off duty: take a bath, read a book, watch a movie, a massage from your husband, intimate acts. Divvy up the chores, ask for what you need, don’t be the overworked martyr and work to let some more things go

Mad Mom Fears Weed

I’m a parent of a teenage girl. I don’t think you should try and be ‘funny’ when you are talking about smoking marijuana. It is illegal. You should be firm and stern. Being funny encourages smoking. I think marijuana makes you stupid and slow. I also firmly believe marijuana is a gateway drug. You doctors (I wonder if that is even true) are a bad influence and irresponsible.

Quick: My dear Betty Ford – like reader… I am sorry we have offended you. Perhaps you missed the notice where we indicated we were writing a primarily sarcastic blog? Sadly, we are psychologists… Marijuana is, in fact, illegal for teenagers. There is also a fair amount of use among teens. I don’t believe our blog encourages smoking, though many factors probably contribute to marijuana use among teens. A growing brain does not benefit from weed smoking, on this we agree. I don’t buy the “gateway drug” piece, nor do I believe that masturbation makes you blind… I am sorry we have offended you. I am willing to entertain the notion that I am both irresponsible and a bad influence.

 

Quack: Dear Parent. Reread our response. Do your research. Marijuana is legal in some states and legal for teenagers with a medical license. Next go talk to families where marijuana has treated seizures, relieved pain so children could go to school or for children undergoing chemotherapy. Stupid and slow…hmmm….watch out for teenage backlash.

Kid’s on leashes? Parents’ shame

I have three children. The eldest is 6 and the twins are 4 1/2, all boys. They’re wild and do boy things. They constantly run away from me, especially in crowded places like the zoo. I have started using child leashes. People look at me with horror. My friends judge me and say that I should be able to control my children. Is it terrible? I am just trying to keep them safe. 

 

Quick: Personally, I find leashes reprehensible. Except on dogs. However, you make it clear that it is a safety strategy for your children. I find injured or dead children more horrifying than leashes. Unless your friends are willing to supervise your busy children safely, on a regular basis, tell them to back off. It may be worthwhile to seek the advice of a behavioral therapist who could suggest strategies for managing the boys’ behavior. Some sweet positive rewards and the possible use of the leashes may be all the consequences you need.

 

Quack: My first thought was, Oh, goodness no! I could only imagine myself as a child with a leash – I would have…well, done a lot of naughty things. I want to suggest that you need to control your children with words and consequences – not by tying them up. Then, I realized that I was as judgmental as those people you mentioned. As a result, I reconsidered. Safety first. Sometimes rewards and consequences do not stop two 4 year old kids careening off in different directions. The dirty looks are probably coming from childless adults or judgmental bitches like me. Ignore us all and do what you do. Stop seeking approval. Often as a parent you will make a decision that some like and a gazillion others do not. So, keep your children safe and you’ll feel better and therefore be a better less frazzled parent. Use a leash, save a gorilla.