Introducing Drs. Quick and Quack


Drs. Quick and Quack offer their sarcastic opinions on a variety of topics.

This blog is intended to amuse and engage.  Drs. Quick and Quack are undercover psychologists.

Ask a question here:

Drs. Quick and Quack: Missing in Action?

Drs. Quick and Quack have been missing in action for over a month. Sensing an unfavorable election outcome, Quick and Quack attempted to leave the country. Turned down at several borders, they have reluctantly returned to the U.S. and continue to blog. pexels-photo-196761

Megalomaniac? Maybe?!


Comment: Am I a megalomaniac? Admittedly, you’d have to read my blog, assess my perspectives, and even then still be only working on the assumption that I’m being honest – so probably too much work.

Still, I’d like to know if I am, as my self-perception, and worldview, has isolated my throughout my life. Of course, even if you validate me, its not as if anyone would care. On the plus side, it would be really fucking funny.


Quick: Dear Mr. Maybe a Megalomaniac, What a fun question, thanks. Sir, you don’t give us a lot to go on here… but, let’s start with a definition of megalomaniac: a person who is obsessed with their own personal power is a casual definition. A slightly more clinical definition is: a delusional mental disorder that is marked by feelings of personal omnipotence and grandeur. I’m going to go out on a limb here and proclaim that you are NOT a megalomaniac.  I am operating on the assumption that if you were truly obsessed with your own personal power, you would not be asking two lowly psychologists to diagnose your condition. As I recall, I may have used this adjective to describe our president-elect in past blogs. I will stand by my use of the adjective in that case.

Quack: Well, Mr. Possible Megalomaniac. Most megalomaniacs do not acknowledge that they have this disorder, so I’m thinking you are not one yourself. A true megalomaniac would not ask for validation; they demand adoration and obedience. Most megalomaniacs are only honest to the extent that it serves their manipulative calculating behavior. But let’s say you are. Do you think you are better, smarter, wittier, and sexier than all other mortals? Do you believe you should be King of the Universe? No wonder you have been isolated all your life. True megalomaniacs are often on a variety of hit lists, so perhaps, staying isolated is good for your health. By the way, I’d really like to read your blog.

Depressed and Desperate in Des Moines


Dear Q & Q, I am SO DEPRESSED about the outcome of the election. I believe we have picked a racist crazy rapist to be our next president. I can’t watch the news, I’m afraid to talk about it at work and I am heartsick. I feel sad, angry, hopeless and overwhelmed. You promised a list of strategies for coping with depression. Will you please respond to my question and give the list as well. Desperate in Des Moines


Quick: Dear Des Moines, I think you speak for many of us when you describe your post- election depression. I can only imagine that living in Des Moines could be a source of depression all by itself. Definitely a red state experience in Iowa, I am so sorry. As a survivor of the Midwest, I would recommend you consider blue state move options as one of many interventions. There are some great sites with practical suggestions for being engaged and positive in this new world we are living with since the election of Trump. Slate is one such site with specific actions.  Being engaged with change and action will help with your low mood. Humor might also help. John Oliver has a wonderful sense of humor as well as practical suggestions for engaging in the world while coping with a Trump presidency. Get engaged with others. Our top 50 ways to manage depression will be included in this blog post. Hang in there, don’t give up.

Quack: I think feeling depressed is an appropriate response to the situation. So is anger. It’s okay to have a feeling when something terrible has occurred. Trump as President of the United States of America is a heinous event. If you did not feel awful I would think you have a mental illness. That being said, you have many options: 1) Do nothing. 2) Pick five of the below listed suggestions and Do Them. 3) Move. 4) Be politically active. 5) Prepare for disaster/zombie apocalypse/Armageddon.









Top 50 Ways to Manage Depression

  1. Exercise 30 minutes a day
  2. Sit in appreciation – at the close of each day, reflect on the highpoint as well as what you did well that day
  3. Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day
  4. Increase social engagement
  5. Get 6 to 8 hours of sleep per night
  6. Give yourself positive feedback, notice what you are doing right
  7. Listen to music
  8. Dance
  9. Eat healthy balanced meals
  10. Read a book
  11. Challenge negative/critical self-talk
  12. Ride a bike
  13. Find an encouraging mantra – “I can do this” or “it will get better” repeat it several times per day
  14. Get a manicure
  15. Take a walk
  16. Reduce/eliminate alcohol use\
  17. Go outside, let the sun shine on you
  18. Play a game with friends or family
  19. Listen to comedy
  20. Go to your doctor or clinic and get blood work to check thyroid, anemia, vitamin D levels (as these can mimic depression)
  21. Get a massage
  22. Volunteer in your community to help others
  23. Get out of bed each day
  24. Practice self-care – be kind, gentle and respectful with yourself
  25. Don’t hurt yourself, engage in self-injury or act out self-destructive or suicidal feelings. Call 911 or seek emergency help if you cannot keep yourself safe.
  26. Consider taking an herbal (SAMe) or prescribed antidepressant medication
  27. Seek the skilled services of a cognitive-behavioral therapist or psychologist
  28. Paint, draw, write
  29. Engage in spiritual practice, go to church, mosque, synagogue, or healing place in nature
  30. Practice meditation
  31. Learn/practice yoga
  32. Get a pet
  33. Join a club
  34. Do something you do well (wood working, knitting, etc)
  35. Learn a new sport
  36. Play video games
  37. Develop a new hobby
  38. Learn a foreign language
  39. Set up “special events” something to look forward to – one week, two weeks and one month away
  40. Join a support group for people battling depression
  41. Track your mood and your thinking. Interrupt thoughts and activities that bring you down
  42. Do tasks to stimulate your mind – Sudoku, puzzles, word find
  43. Let friends and family know you are struggling with depression
  44. Fake it until you make it – engage in activities that you would normally enjoy – even if they don’t bring you pleasure right now
  45. Begin writing and journaling
  46. Search for the positive in each day
  47. Try physically comforting activities – rock, swing
  48. Take ibuprofen
  49. Drink lots of water
  50. Immerse yourself in a current social issue, learn about it, explore ways to be involved (homelessness, illiteracy, poverty, violence against women, racism




Deeply Depressed


Dear Quick and Quack,

This is a serious question but if you can make me laugh while answering, I would really appreciate it, I could use a good laugh. I am depressed. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed. Some days I don’t. I call in “sick” to work, make up excuses and stay home. I feel I’ve fought depression my whole life. I don’t really want medication – too many people take pills and I don’t want therapy – telling a stranger my problems would only depress me more. Please give me practical suggestions.  Deeply Depressed


Quick: First of all, I am so sorry for your sadness and depression. Depression sucks and it makes life hard. Many people suffer from depression and, like you, they hide it and don’t talk about it. Medications are complicated; for some, they are life changing. There are also studies that indicate that a placebo (read a sugar pill) may be as effective for many people, other than those who are severely depressed. It’s fine to refuse medication and therapy BUT, you have to do some things. There are millions of effective strategies for treating depression; the hard part is getting yourself to do these activities. The same inertia that holds your ass in bed makes it tough to follow through with interventions to treat depression. I think we could generate a list of the top 50 ways to treat depression (like our anxiety list). The catch is, you have to do them. If you can’t get yourself to follow through with your “home treatment” of your depression, you should reconsider therapy. Sometimes the benefit of a partner/friend/therapist in your treatment can help motivate you to create change. Sorry no laughs from me today on this topic. Depression is serious shit; please take action or get help so you can. I promise a top 50 strategies for depression by next week.


Quack: Dear Deeply Depressed. It is a cliché, but laughter is the best medicine (sometimes), but for sure, it can always help. Why have you been depressed all of your life? Did you have a horrible childhood? Horrible adulthood? Better living through chemistry (medications) is not the worst idea in the world. Nor is talking to strangers – we’re strangers. You could also consider doing e-therapy. Okay practical suggestions: find the things that make you laugh (movies, books, comedy clubs), get a job you like, do something EVERYDAY that you enjoy (sports, exercise, gardening, home remodeling, working on your car, crafts). It’s really an endless list. Take care of yourself (eat properly, get enough sleep, exercise). Be with people who make you feel better (ditch the downer folk). CHANGE YOUR MINDSET: focus on the positive around you, stop focusing on the negative.

Okay Quick, we have to stop procrastinating and write up some helpful lists for people.

Readers: Tell us what you want. Do you want practical lists for issues such as depression? What else would be helpful? Ask us for what you want!

King of the Deplorables


Q & Q,

You’ve written about the election, we’re all sick of it but it seems a few things still need to be said. I can understand Trump as an egotistical lying rapist yet I cannot understand the sheer number of idiots who continue to back him. If Clinton wins, flaws and all, and I pray she does, how do we live with all of the morons who supported him?? As a woman, how do I live with people who would support a hate mongering racist rapist? I assume his loss won’t make these deplorables vanish from earth. How do I live with them?


Quick: Oh, so many places to go with your question. How do we live with each other? I believe the true answer is something about tolerance and respect… yet I share your horror. I don’t believe there is a vanishing intervention inherent in losing the election. An ugly hate based part of our population has been revealed through this election process that is deeply disturbing. I want to believe that I misunderstand Trump followers, as I am perhaps misunderstood by them (this is my most grace-filled place). The other possibility is that we all need to attend some re-education camp where we learn how to not be racist, sexist, xenophobic assholes… It’s a great question. At our best, we need to try to treat each other with respect while acknowledging that we are deeply divided.


Quack: Off with their heads! I love saying that. How do you talk to someone who refuses to look at the facts? Sometimes, I just can’t, the desire to engage in fisticuffs is overwhelming. Vicious name calling is also a choice I consider. Walking away while shaking my head and muttering profanities is an action I have taken. What does one do when there is a blabbering asshole in your face? Is there a sensible answer? Probably. Oh, right, I’m a psychologist, I’ve had some pretty nasty, dangerous people in my face. What is someone truly trying to convey, I ask myself? What is the deeper anger, fear, concern? Talk to that issue. Then, maybe you can have a conversation about the real issues. Then you can stop battling and talk to one another. However, caution is necessary, do not try this at home without a licensed professional or a bodyguard nearby.